Slow is scary

I’m learning to slow down the pace of my life.

If I’ve learned anything this past month it’s house much slow and silence scares me. When faced with quiet, and without the go, go, go I am used to I find myself overcome with fear and anxiety. It’s where Satan gets me best. In the quiet, I allow thoughts that I am no good, make huge mistakes, and “won’t be able to do this” make their home not only in my mind, but my heart. These fears speak to a greater worry I have, and the fact is that my hope isn’t completely in my Creator like I keep telling myself and everyone around me.

The truth is, I am very much scared with the slowed rhythm. I once thought that this new season would bring immense amounts of happiness, contentment, and relief but I am finding that more than anything it is allowing for me to clean up the junk I’ve kept hidden in my closet and, like a hoarder, it is now overflowing and needs to be addressed (much like my home nowawdays). Though silence breeds the uncomfortable, it also brings forth clarity. Every day feels a little more different than the last and I am finding that I am able to breath a little easier as the room gets a little more organized from the last several years of throwing things inside and shutting the door to avoid looking at the mess. We do that, ya know? Avoid the pain, the junk, the reality of our depravity by shoving it in a closet and hoping no one decides to come over and accidentally open the door while searching for the bathroom allowing for all our hoarding to come to light. Though, I believe we miss a great healing and an even greater renewal of Spirit when we box up and put away the ugly stuff, the hard stuff to make a “more presentable home”.

(you’re welcome for this little gem of a clip)
So today, I’m spending some time in the silence, talking to my Jesus. And you know what I’m finding out? The silence is kind of nice. Yes it’s hard, and I cry (truly ugly cries) and it sucks, but through the silence His voice seems louder than my own, His directions don’t seem muddled, and I am forever changed by entering into His presence every morning. Lamentations 3: 22-26 says:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
    his mercies never come to an end;
   they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”

 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul that seeks him.
 It is good that one should wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.”

“It is good that one should wait quietly.” For this reason, I know that by creating this new rhythm, I will be able to be renewed for the journey ahead.
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